Roller Derby Love All Over the Place!!!

So there’s this bout in Grand Forks coming up February 19th. And 10 of the Iron Range Maidens were picked from a hat to go for the pre-bout mixer.  At first just 5 of our girls got to go and I was in the alternate 5.  I can’t tell you how excited I was about that.  FANTASTIC!  OUR GIRLS ARE GONNA ROCK!  Now?  Now that I’ll be there, decked out in prom finery, the feeling is a little more mixed.  Anxious, not nervous.  I am, after all, the Butterscotch Bitch.  And though I’m new to this, I AM willing to show up, get low and block with my booty.

Did you know there is roller derby ALL over the place?  For instance there’s the Babe City Rollers in Bemidji, 3 teams in Grand Forks as part of Forx Roller Derby, Fargo-Moorhead Derby Girls, Fergus Falls Roller Girls, Harbor City Roller Dames, Duluth Derby Divas, and in the Twin Cities there are many many teams under the leagues MN Roller Girls and North Star Roller Girls.

There’s even a Men’s roller derby league called the Twin City Terrors!

So we, the Iron Range Maidens, are not alone in our enthusiasm for this crazy-ass sport.  It is widespread and gaining momentum.

WFTDA – the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association lists 104 Full Member Leagues in the U.S. with 59 Apprentice Leagues.  And I have a feeling those numbers are a low estimate!

So back to the Grand Forx bout coming up.  I mean COMING UP (February 19th)!  Some new teams from the region (including the Iron Range Maidens) have been asked to be part of their pre-bout mixer.  The theme is “A Bout To Remember” and we’ll be playing with a prom theme of Prom Queens vs. the Carries.  Yes, that Carrie.

How exactly do we play?  Check out this video, and we’ll talk more later.  I promise.  After I hit some consignment stores for prom dresses.

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It’s not how HARD you hit…

it’s how SMART you hit.  My brother was the first to give me this advice.  He’s played hockey for nearly all his life and when I had the chance I asked him if he could help me learn how to hit hard.  He looked at me thoughtfully, as hockey players usually do, and said, “it’s not about hard hits.  It’s about smart hits.”

I’m not sure how this derby advice applies to real life, but it’s something I’m coming to learn. Maybe I can interchange “hits” with “questions in a radio interview” for my day job? Watch out you unsuspecting authors, I’m learning how to hit {questions in a radio interview] smart, not hard.

Iron Range Maidens in action

So Roller Derby is not the chick fight that millions of men remember and continue to hope and dream that it still is.  Roller Derby actually has rules.  Especially about hitting. There’s no hair-pulling or cat fights or punches in the face.  But there is some awesome booty blocks and can openers and hip checks that really pack a wallop.  And fishnet stockings, did I forget to mention that?

Here’s a couple of questions from the WFTDA rules practice test concerning hits.

1.  Which part of the body is considered an illegal blocking zone?

a.  chest

b.  upper arm

c.  hip

d.  above the shoulder

2.  True or false:  when initiating a block, a skater must be in-bounds, but she may pick up momentum from out-of-bounds prior to returning to the track.

a.  true

b.  false

3.  Gross misconduct includes which of the following?

a.  punching another skater

b.  choking another skater

c.  jumping on a dog pile

d.  all of the above

answers:  1d 2b 3d

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True or false?

Q:  A player may skate clockwise while out of bounds to position herself to reenter the pack.

A:  TRUE!  WFTDA rules do not explicitly forbid skating clockwise while out of bounds in order to re-enter the pack, there it is legal.

I don’t know if it’s studying for our WFTDA written test that we are taking this week or the clothes and makeup or being on a team for the first time in my life, but this new thing of roller derby sometimes makes me feel like I’m a teenager again.  In both good and bad ways.

For instance:

Hair and makeup and clothes: This brings me back to the Nisswa Rollerena days of my youth.  Where I LOVED rollerskating.  And I was such a nerd about it I didn’t quite get that for other girls there my age, it wasn’t just about skating around and around and eating tangy taffy.  It was about boys and hair and makeup.  Thank God my friend Mary and I had Kelly to make us look somewhat presentable.  We’d take the bus to her house and Kelly would help us curl our hair.  But as soon as we got to the rink, Mary and I totally forgot about our hair and got super-excited to skate and get a higher score in Centipede.

So now, though I’m making myself think a little more about hair and makeup and clothes, I’m finding this isn’t my favorite part about derby.  But I do think it’s good for me.  It’s making me connect to my body and how I look.  And for a girl who reads and writes a lot, being outside of my head is good.

I still find that  it’s the skating around and around and feeling like I’m 12 years old again that really turns my crank.  Thankfully there isn’t Centipede at the armory to pull me away from skating.

Am I cool enough: The answer then was no.  And the answer now is no.  But the good news is that now I don’t really care.   But I have to admit, sometimes it’s hard not to, in a large group of women, fall prey to the teenage mentalities of who is cool and who isn’t.  For the most part, the IRON RANGE MAIDENS are a super hip, amazing group of women who are really good to each other and push each other to be better.  But we all play some mind tricks on ourselves sometimes, and ask ourselves if we are really part of this thing.  Questions pass through our heads like:

a.  If we aren’t at every outside event or at every practice will we still be accepted?

b.  What if I can’t do everything, am I still a part of the team?

c.  What if I am injured and on the sidelines am I still a part of the team?

d.  What if I can’t carry off a pair of sparkle hot pants?

Here’s the thing.  It doesn’t matter.  We are all a part of this.  We are all accepted.  But I have to remember that we get as much as we give. That  it’s up to each of us as individuals to be there as much as we can.  And to interact and acknowledge our teammates as much as we can.

So the good news is, we’re not teenagers anymore.   And the even better news is, this roller derby rollercoaster of the Iron Range Maidens has only just begun!

Q:  What is the referee whistle for the end of a jam?

a.  one long whistle blast

b.  four rapid whistle blasts

c.  three rapid whistle blasts

d.  two rapid whistle blasts

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“just be confident”

My husband once told me to repeat “just be confident” in my head.  I was worried about something or another.  Having a conversation that wasn’t pleasant with someone.  Standing up in front of room of people.  Asking for something I deserved.  Who knows what it was.  But the thing is, this “just be confident” mantra comes in handy.

As it turns out, roller derby is ALL about confidence.  If I really thought about it, the whole damn thing of it is so outside my comfort zone I’m amazed that I’m doing it. Whether it’s  turns or jumps or  falls or hits or endurance laps or short shorts there’s a lot to lose confidence over.  And in the last month, there’s more to worry about.

Two of our fellow Iron Range Maidens have fallen in the line of duty.  Georgia O’Grief  (soon to have a new name) and Mis-Mauler have, in less than a month, fallen and broken their tibia and fibulas.  Both of them.  Both have needed surgery.  Both handled their injuries with such grace and tenacity that I’m proud to be their teammates.

For both of these kick-ass roller derby gals, they found themselves on the floor of our beloved practice space, the Charlie Company Grand Rapids Armory.  Both had to wait in what was no doubt excruciating pain on the concrete floor for an ambulance to arrive.

Here’s the thing:  we all knew, from the get-go, that this roller derby wasn’t for wimps.  We regularly say “it’s not IF you get injured, it’s WHEN you get injured”.  But no one believes that it’ll happen to them.  And no one knows how to handle a situation where you can’t just get up and get yourself out of the limelight.  Where you can’t hitch up your big girl shorts, pack up your skates and head out the door.  They had to sit on the hard floor and wait, while being watched by others,  and hope for the best.

Being confident is about being brave.  It’s about rolling forward on those 8 wheels even if you can’t predict what’s going to happen. It’s about being a part of a group of women so strong and independent and intelligent that you’d risk something painful. It’s also a little bit about being crazy, but I’ll save that for another time.

So to Georgia O’Grief and Mis-Mauler:  in a strange and unfortunate way you’ve paved the way for us.  Though it seems natural for us to be nervous because of these team injuries, we, as newbie roller-gals and Iron Range Maidens, have to continue to derby forward.  That might seem foolish, after all, roller derby is only a game.  And we’ve only just started that game.  But what I see out there at every practice is that we are growing as a team.  As individuals.  We’re building up ourselves and our confidence for the rest of our lives, not just a derby ’bout.

Heal fast Iron Range Maidens.  As Helen Killer once said, “we need you and you need us!”

“The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it.”

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Where the name (swear word and all) came from

It’s a cookie. Does that help? More of a candy really.

Okay, this is not a good explanation of why I have the alter ego, Butterscotch Bitch.

Let me back up a little bit.

So the thing with roller derby is that you get to be someone else. You get to have an alter ego. As the Rollergirl website says, “Taking on a rollergirl name is the first step in your transformation from every girl to rollergirl.” Some examples – Quarter Poundher and Payne Mansfield and Crashalicious.

So I had no idea who to become. I interview authors on the radio for my day job, so I was seriously considering something book-ish. Some ideas were Betsy, Racy & Rib. See? not so good. Or Trixie Belt-em. Or Jane Scare. Or Louisa Babe Hell-cat.

See? These really weren’t working for me.

I was looking for something that sounded strong. That was unlike me and yet could define me. And I wanted something that would make me laugh.

So one night, I said to my husband, “I’ve Got it!” and then I shouted out “BUTTERSCOTCH BITCH”.

He had a huge smile on his face and nodded. “Yup. That’s it.”

Here’s the story: Those two words magically joined, were coined by my dad. My mild-mannered dad was driving us all home after the funeral of our dear Grampy. We had leftover cookies in the car from the memorial service. No one knew what to say – it had been a really hard few days. Breaking the silence, my dad half turned to me in the back seat and said, “Honey, can you hand me a butterscotch bitch?”

We laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. I don’t know if you’ve ever had that feeling. The Chuckles the Clown kind of uncomfortable hilarity. But it feels good. And bad. And kinda cleansing. All at the same time.

And so, this cookie, that my dad loved, with butterscotch, magically became the butterscotch bitch.

It’s been a couple of years since we lost my dad, and some days, I still really need that laughter. So I still make his favorite cookies. And magically, in his honor, I have become the BUTTERSCOTCH BITCH.

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Trying something new

We all say we want to try new things.  But really, do we?  Do we want to put our ass on the line and risk ridicule?  There’s a quote that says:

IF WE ARE GROWING WE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE OUT OF OUR COMFORT ZONE.

boy-howdy, if roller derby isn’t out of my comfort zone, I don’t know what is.  Here’s what I mean:

*In the last few years I’ve decided that I am not going to wear shorts again.   There was no traumatic shorts incident (except that one photo) but I just believed that my short, squat stature couldn’t quite pull off the look.  Coverage is my motto.

Now?  I wear fish net tights underneath shorts for roller derby practice. Okay fine, I’m not wearing the hotpants that some of the girls are sporting.  But for me, my big girl pink gym shorts are a step in the right direction.

*Falling.  Okay, this isn’t  strictly my rule.  Most people do not like to fall.  It’s embarrassing, no one looks good while doing it, and it hurts.

Now?  I don’t love falling but I’ve learned how to do it.  And it happens.  All the time.  And guess what?  I get up and keep going.

*Exercise.  This is not very cool to admit, but I don’t really like exercise.  I don’t like sweating.  I’m not so good at pushing myself.  Basically, I can be a big wimp.

Now?  I’m there man.  Pushing myself.  Working up my endurance.  Exercising when I’m not at practice.  I’m not saying I couldn’t do more… and I’ll never be a marathon runner, but still.  Baby stepping.   I’m baby stepping.

So even with just these examples, I’m getting myself out of my comfort zone.  And let me tell you.  It’s exhilarating!  To try something new, and not expect myself to be GREAT at it.  How freeing is that?

I feel like these lessons I am learning, thru the crazy sport of roller derby, are here, just in the nick of time.  I don’t want to grow old too soon.  I don’t want to be set in my ways.  I just wanna roll!  And knock some women down!

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Connections

I should have started this blog last fall, but I’ve decided to not let that stop me.  I will begin writing now, and weave this whole life-changing derby experience together.

Besides new friends and cool clothes, it’s been an amazing ride, ALREADY.  I think part of that is about connections.

I’m a gal who has never really fully been comfortable with my body.  The idea of doing something physical, that I didn’t know anything about, at age 41, scared the crap out of me.

But if I’ve learned anything in this life of mine, I’ve learned to pay attention to that fear.  All the truly important things that I have experienced in life are because I pushed myself past my fear.

So as nervous and afraid as I was, I barreled into roller derby.  Knowing I’d look like a fool, I’d never be able to wear the cool skirts and fishnets, and I’d probably fall down a lot.

What happened along the last 3 months is not just about facing my fears.  It’s made me pay attention to my body.  To realize, that even though my body isn’t like everybody else’s (hello?  shortest arms and legs in America!!!)  it’s pretty damn good.  It moves, it looks not half bad, and it is me.  I am not just my thoughts and emotions, I am also this body.  And it’s about time I started liking it, bruises and all.

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