Valentine's Day, 2011
Magic Pants is not what I call my *ripped up fishnet stockings. It is what I call my husband. And it’s what the rest of the Iron Range Maidens call him too.
My husband, Magic Pants, was not only excited for me to try roller derby, he decided he didn’t just want to hear stories about it. He wanted to do it too. He wanted to become a roller derby referee.
On any ordinary Tuesday, Thursday or Sunday evening in the middle of the northeast neighborhood of Grand Rapids, Minnesota at the National Guard Armory, you’ll find 20-30 women and 1 man rollerskating on the gym floor.
Grand Forx bout
Referee? Really? In roller derby? Most people still think of roller derby as the no holds barred girl on girl banked track physical fist fights of Saturday morning television.
I won’t lie. Roller Derby is still awfully physical. There is shoving. There are falls galore. Injuries and bruises and ripped up fishnets – these are all still part of the game.
But we have rules. And Magic Pants is becoming the enforcer of these rules. ELBOWS! CUTTING THE TRACK! BACK BLOCKING! LEAD JAMMER!
I don’t know exactly WHY his name is Magic Pants. But it seems to fit his personality. Just like a derby girl, he too is getting to vicariously be an alter image. By day he is a mild mannered speech pathologist. But at night? He slaps on the quad skates, blows a whistle, fights crime and keeps us all in line.
It’s been fun to see the reactions that people have to our alter ego roller dreby names. Shock, awe, bewilderment… the reactions have been interesting to say the least.
My teammate, Sistah Sledge,told me how her young sons were intrigued by the name Magic Pants. “Why is he called Magic Pants?” they asked. Sistah replied, “Because there is magic in his pants?”
Her son thought about it a little and finally said, “Do you think he could make me into a meat sandwich?”
Last summer, if you had asked me if my husband would have magic in his pants and would have the ability to make a charming tow-haired boy into a meat sandwich I would have laughed. Today? Six months into a new life of roller derby? I think anything is possible. If I can be a roller derby girl, than maybe, just maybe, there is magic in them-thar pants.
*for the record, fishnets are not my preferred leg-wear of choice. Something to do with my short legs I think. But leopard print Target tights just doesn’t have the ring of ripped up fishnets.
